Somewhat articulate

6 Videogame Characters I Would Never Hang Out With

I have spent a fair amount of time playing games.  I don’t have as much time to these days, but I have really gotten to thinking about “What if life was like a game?”  I would hope that whoever was programming it would at least keep alot of the bugs out.  For instance, I would never want to be walking around and then fall through the ground into infinity because of some programming error.

But seriously, there are alot of characters in games that I love but after alot of thought, I would never actually hang out with them in real life.  Here are a few.

Sonic the Hedgehog

One of the coolest characters from my childhood that’s been totally mutilated into one of the most obnoxious characters in videogame history.  Seriously, Sonic used to be cool… and then he was given a voice.  And that voice was… really really REALLY obnoxious.  It’s kind of like when you see Mike Tyson fight and then you hear him talk and then you just can’t take him seriously at all.

And for now for number 2…

_____________________________________________________

Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4

I remember being so excited about Resident Evil 4 when it first came out.  I still remember picking it up from my local GameStop and kind of wishing I had enough cash to get the terrible chainsaw controller they came out with alongside the game.

For the most part Resident Evil 4 was an incredible game and it’s one of the titles I still think stands with the best of them.  However, there was one unbelievably annoying girl you had to protect the entire game.  And it’s not like she’s some side character you can avoid, she’s with you EVERYWHERE.  Supposedly she’s the President’s daughter and she’s been kidnapped and you’re there to save her.   

I still have nightmares of her screaming “Leon!” because she can’t fend for herself.  At the end of the game, as you’re escaping on a jet ski, she makes a pass at you and says, “hey we should get together sometime when you get some vacation” or something like that.  Leon turns her down.  Can’t say I blame him after hearing this for hours and hours (watch video)

______________________________________________________________

The Weighted Companion Cube

“…Will never threaten to stab you and cannot, in fact speak.”

I love the companion cube.  We got through some rough times together.  Portal did an amazing job of turning an inanimate object into a character so popular that it’s become kind of an internet meme.  A few weeks ago I was at Jack-in-the-Box and there was a car in the parking lot that had Portal Companion Cubes as fuzzy dice on the rearview mirror and I thought, “Wow, that is just about the coolest thing ever.”  Then I realized what a geek I am for thinking that having companion cubes as fuzzy dice is cool.  So I pushed up my glasses, sent my coordinates to the mothership from my calculator watch and then beamed up off this planet.

________________________________________________________________

Navi from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

“Hey!”

“Listen!”

No, Navi, YOU listen.  I’m right in the middle of solving this stupidly impossible puzzle and I’ve just about got it and you’re poking me in the back telling me I need to get to the next room.  I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE NEXT ROOM!  THAT’S WHY I NEED TO SOLVE THIS PUZZLE AND SLIDE THESE PANELS ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

Stop wasting my time.

________________________________________________________________

Claptrap from Borderlands

I have to admit, when I picked up Borderlands and ran into Claptrap at the beginning of the game and heard his little “Mmph mmph mmph I think I lost the beat,” and “Oooh check me out, I’m dancin’!  I’M DANCIN’!!” I really thought it was kind of cute and I was saying to myself, hey this is gonna be a fun little robot!  Turns out he has three lines that he just repeats over…. and over…. and over

…and OVER.

Claptrap really had some potential, but he just turned out to be a disappointment after about 10 minutes into the game when I realized that he didn’t really serve any purpose.  Borderlands was a great game.  I could have just done without Claptrap.  And I can promise that if I was ever in a situation where I would be hanging out with Claptrap, I’d throw his metal butt in a lake till his circuits fried, dry him off and then make him my new nightstand.  Actually that WOULD be really cool.

_____________________________________________________________________

The Dog from Duck Hunt

Stop laughing at me!!!!!!!  I know I missed!

Countless kids who turned into depressed psychopathic killers can probably trace their insanity back to the dog in Duck Hunt.  

I still get mad when I play this stupid game.  Try it yourself and tell me you wouldn’t love to go Michael Vick on this dog.

Duck Hunt (Shooting game) | Play more games